It's all about my travel experience and things I love to do…
Posts tagged Love & Relationship
When You’ve Fallen So Hard…
Oct 29th
Life is such an interesting topic to talk about when you are out and about having a cuppa with your buddies. 
It’s a topic that you can’t go any wrong. So much to talk about isn’t it.
Just last week, one of my buddy, Ling Kang, from primary got married and had his wedding dinner back in Klang. It dawned upon me, whoa, how much we have all grown and my friends are all getting married and here I am still have nowhere to go or any direction that I am clear on going.
Some were asking me, where is my partner. I was pretty much stunned on how to answer them actually. You see, I already have an answer to the question but wasn’t sure myself to answer them Set A or Set B. Because, Set A tells them that, yes I am seeing someone and I did ask but she decided not to go due to some valid reasons. Set B sets me back to keep it cool and be the usual “hey, I am all single and it’s all about timing and still haven’t got the right one yet and work is taking its toll on me, so u have anyone to introduce?” Guess which was the answer? No prize for guessing it right. I’ve never got wonderful good story to tell in my B-G relationships. All I’ve got is lesson learnt.
So, my life right now is pretty much back to ground zero. At 27, going to be 28 soon in months to come ZOMG! I’m still neither here nor there. I thought I was there, but it all started crumbling down. After high school, I struggled to into higher-education. Family asked me to go into Form 6 and the thought of ending up in the government education totally shrug off the idea of Form 6. Then, I ended up in Tourism Management with the then Taylor’s College School of Hospitality and Tourism (TCHT). Much struggle in the beginning as there wasn’t much funds for me to study in a private college. Things got better when I got Full Scholarship many thanks to my lazying days in High School and also a lecturer who fought for my scholarship.
Finished college and then entered the workforce when I was 21 and it was also a struggle to commute from Klang to KL with a salary of RM 1,200 a month. Crazy right? That’s tourism industry if you wanna know, it is just that bad! ZOMG!
I learnt it all the hard way for 5 years in my first company. School of hard knocks I call it. Because I had to learn by hitting road blocks. Not much of a guidance and it’s all about self discovery and self learning and finding my way out all the time.
I came out on my own, joint with partnership now and got into multiple other ventures recently that turned sour and some was good. The past 2 years, I thought everything was going all good and I was like comfortably rising and have no worries. Today, I have to think thrice on everything that I want to embark on, sometimes more.
I am back to ground zero as I said. I only have God and my family. I’m currently at the juncture of choosing my next path in life. It is seriously the hardest ever moment in my life and I don’t know where to go and what to do next. I’ve got offers coming in my way and projects and many many opportunities, but I don’t know which would do my best.
Just few days ago, my car broke down while I was driving and luckily I managed to manoeuvre it to the side of the road in the housing area and park my car. Usually, I would just shout and curse and tweet and update my status cursing my life. I did not. I was so immune to anything that comes to break me down. I turned off my car and lock it and walked back to my office. I did not for instance cried for help, cause, I know, I gotta brave this all alone.
It’s when you’ve fallen so hard that whatever it is that comes breaking you down, you are naturally immune to it already. You just have to accept it as life usual happening and take it easy. It helps a lot with God around your life. Be it relationship, money, work, family or anything.
Speaking of God, I was talking to the Jeevan Sahadevan of Action Coach recent Friday. Yes, the Jeevan Sahadevan you listen to BFM on Raise Your Game. He said, his turnaround in his life when he appointed Christ as his CEO. How beautiful it is, yes?
Right now, be it unto Him to steer my life in full gear ahead or reverse. Any way He wants it. I’ll leave it to Him.
Because, life is so meaningless right now but with Him, it is all so wonderful and it all makes sense even more with Him, knowing what I am going through right now, be it hard or good it is for His glory.
I don’t know how this post should end or start actually. I thought, I may just share it here where billions can read while I still can share.
Don’t Chase People
Oct 25th
It is true somehow to the extend of this saying “Wild Goose Chase”. No one ever likes it.
You know you want something so bad that you would want to embark on a journey to find it. Work. Relationship. Health.
You put in all your heart and time and strength and efforts and what not, and in the end, you end up being despair.
We all have dreams… we all have our desires and we all have our ideal future that we want to hold on to.
We often chase these what we wants and often in my case, it was all about wild goose chase. Seriously.
IT.IS.REALLY.TIRING.MOST.OF.THE.TIMES.
So blinded by fiction that we forgets the reality and we really need a knock in the head to get back to reality.
This quote by Will Smith came timely and it is indeed a very nice quote that I am going to hold dearly from now.
Persistence and Expressiveness
Nov 11th
Hi! It’s 1:11AM on 11th Nov 2011 when I click “Add New” to write this post. >.<
Wow! How fast time flies and yeah, hey fellow readers… How have you been? I’ve been busy, well work and been travelling a lot for work recently.
I had a conversation yesterday and it’s about how complicated the relationship of a friend of mine is.
Say, C was in a relationship with A and their love for each other was going downhill with compatibility issues.
Then, enter B who C met at place D and soon affections were seen flying between them.
Hence, at this point, I asked “What’s the difference of B and what makes him better man than A?”
C said something along this line “He is caring and loving.” but I was not satisfied with the answer and asked further, “Define “caring” and “love” to me.” which she replied, “well… he has his persistence and expressiveness…”
At that, I practically continue driving and trying very hard to decipher her reply of ‘persistence and expressiveness’ and thought to myself, “is that just to attract the opposite gender or fulfilment towards a relationship or love?”. I did not post the same thoughts to her.
But then again, I remember writing something about making a relationship work earlier this year and I found my written piece of Best Out Of Love
In the end of the day, love is a very subjective topic and it is a very personal issue which takes more than one person to work on it, to make it work. I guess, when it comes to love, we just have to make the best out of it. Make the best out of love because love knows no boundary and with love, everything’s possible.
YapThomas. 23rd January 2010
I would like to think that finding the right life partner takes more than persistence and being expressive.
I shall leave it as just that, as I have my own views, but do feel to ask me in person to know what it is.
I’ve wrote more than enough in this category of Love & Relationship for me to reflect and know what I pretty much want on this certain subject (Love & Relationship) of my life.
On another note, today I watched Tandoori Love which is now showing at GSC International Screens’ European Film Festival 2011.
Awesome movie and love the quirky way how they write about love and put it on screen. 
Must watch while they are still running it. Please check the movie show times here > GSC International Screens
Till next time, ciao!
Being hated is much better than being loved, sometimes.
Jun 13th
I think, there are many times that I’ve step on many wrong foot…
Sometimes, I don’t even know what I did wrong… Maybe I was just blatant ignorant…
For example, I got thrown tantrum at when I returned items belonging to 1 person. I was dumbfounded. Truth someone please… I need to know why because at least, I know what to do next time?
Back then, when I implement some new changes in the company, I was rather looked at being the bad person. I was told, why did I not fight for them so that those new changes will not be in effect. Hello, I still need to keep my rice bowl wan okay. You still need to keep yours, so you might as well follow, no?
When it comes to relationship, now I know why some people would rather stay the distance after a break-up. It is either the break-up was really horrible or it’s just to avoid unnecessary issues arising from meeting up. On this hand, I am on the later part. I do not want to create any hope, even though, yes it is over we can be friends, but it is just, well, words can’t describe it. I had few instances where I feel that ceasing communications would be a good idea for both parties. I know it is not helping as much, but as long as it is the only way to ensure that I don’t ruin it further, I shall actually cease the communication. Partly maybe because I may be the cause of all issues arising.
Hmm…..
Hate. Let’s talk about this issue, as it seems to be a hot issue right now in my life.
I’ve never really hated anyone actually. Maybe once or twice. Once was when I was in primary school, a schoolmate of mine did something really embarrassing to me that it is the topic of conversation between my primary mates whenever we meet now. Second, would be my previous employer. That’s it, I shall save the details for personal note.
Other than that, even though for someone who lied and took my money for drugs, someone who took advantage of me and never pay for my travel service nor someone who cheated on me I can’t take myself to hate them. No reasons why. Maybe, it is because I know for a fact that forgiving them would be much easier than taking them to grudge. I should have known that for my primary school mate and ex employer.
When I do something great for people, they don’t remember it. I guess what most people say is true. Your bad traits are remembered to your grave, but not many of your good traits.
What do I ask when I go the extra mile to help a friend to get things done? What do I ask when in bad times, I help both in kind and monetary? What do I ask when you needed an ear, I lend mine? I do not ask for a return if one can’t, but just a gratitude. I am glad that I have friends like that, but not many.
Seriously, sometimes, being hated is much better than being loved. Because, it solves so much rather than me hating them.
So where do I stand in all these issues? I don’t know… I just do what I think I know it is best.
Hate or love, you all choose…
A Support System
May 31st
It was just over the weekend I had dinner with Steph. Well, the usual catch up session and all. We then touched on the topic of relationship. She sparked the question, “So, any prospect yet with any girls?”.
Haha, seriously, I think a lot of people are more worried of me being single than I actually am myself. But, great! Thanks for the concern people. But, bearing in mind that if I am meant to be single, then it is God’s will, not mine. Then again, men and women are meant to be united as one in God’s Kingdom. Hence, I am sure there is one person out there whom he has kept waiting for me while I build his Kingdom. (Okay, I am sounding like I am preaching the whole lot of the Church but hey, that’s my life man. Either you like me bad, or you like me good.)
Okay, what I am going to touch about here is “Support System” in a relationship, be it your family, friends, date or your spouse. Often in relationship, the key issue faced is “time” spent together. I think this is actually the main major issue most relationship fail.
Let me take for example of relationship as a couple. Steph and I talked about our friends who finds that relationship is all about spending time together as a couple. To me, probably that is not entirely true. I believe and I think that being in a relationship is all about support. Often that we hear that one side of a couple says that their partner doesn’t spend much time together with him/her. They go on and complaint that all their partner do is work and work and only spend 1 time a week with him/her. I could say that mostly, again, “mostly” the women will complaint about that the most.
What is support in a relationship?
To put it simply, personally, I feel that when the man goes to work, what most the woman can do is support. Often at many times, woman thinks that their man should be giving more time to her instead of his work. There are many more but I shall not go further. My opinion is much one-sided but I suppose men has the tendency to do such complaints too. Now, the earlier comment is very subjective, because certain group of woman would think that when their man only knows about work, there could be a hidden agenda or something.
Now, I wouldn’t say this is not true but… hey, all man are evil to you ladies who has been cheated by their man, no?
While another group would think that they are second in priority in her man’s life and heart.
Personally, if I was that man (I’m such a classic good example no?), I would say “Give me all the support that you can as much as I give all the love I can give to you.” When I put an importance to my work now, I am putting an importance towards you as well as to our future “if” we ever build a family together.
As I put it in my own words, “I am building my empire here”, a future for myself or the both of us. If all you can do is complaint of the lack of time spent together while not trusting me doing my bit for the relationship of ours, then it will never end. Of course, time spent will be limited but the trust, love and support should and must be greater than that!
Because, the glory will come for the family when the man has more than enough to provide for the family and it will also be the time the man will have more time to spend with his loved ones. Unless the man of the family don’t have proper planning or succession plans in his work/business, it will not help much. Let’s talk reality here, living expenses is just going up by the day and if the man can’t provide for himself enough, what makes you think there will be a family which can survive by just enough?
Plus, when it comes to support it is also a mutual role in providing for the family. Hence, women plays equal part. In this world, man are never higher than woman, just the role is different in the life of a man or woman.
I would say that, be it if you are a woman or a man. In a relationship, support them all you can with any means and in any stage of your life. If your spouse works late night, ask them if they need food. If your spouse is having trouble at work, be a good listener. If your spouse can’t cook well so do you, eat out together. If your spouse is having income issues this month, spend less and budget for the month. In any situation, there is a way out. In the end, the essence of relationship is being together happy with love in the eyes of God (if you are a religious person). Plus, you don’t need to be a religious person to know what’s love.
The One, Collateral Damage
Jan 6th
You are put upon a test, where you have to decide between A or B.
Often at times, 90% of the time, you would have to choose a collateral damage.
And the time when you have choose a collateral damage, it usually plays with emotion.
Say, for instance you are a boss and you wanted to keep office cost low but you got two great sales person and of course, one is better than the other one by a slight margin of performance. You definitely gotta get rid of one person. That’s collateral damage.
I’ve seen an ex-colleague of mine, getting promised a job, but in the end not being hired because The Office decided cost was the intended outcome and my ex-colleague would have to be the collateral damage.
I also had to forgo a friendship because it was too taxing with me having to endure his non-stop problems. Friendship was the collateral damage.
A mother wanting to save more than enough for his kid to go for college have to keep a stringent diet just to do so. Personal satisfaction was her collateral damage.
Me, leaving my comfort of paid salary to the discomfort of running my own business with risk. Comfort is my collateral damage if u allow me to say so.
This does not applies to work only, while it applies to many other factors and most of these factors comes in the form of words that ends with “…ship”. To name a few; partnership, friendship, relationship and etc.
You surely got my drift. You basically choose to forgo something in order to achieve and intended outcome.
Like choosing an option between A or B?
Either one, one has to be a collateral damage which is incidental to the intended/desired outcome than the other one.
I guess many of us do have to choose a collateral damage from time to time.
What’s your collateral damage?
Want… Don’t Want…
Dec 23rd
I am mind f*cked! Like seriously…
I want to know… and at the same time… I don’t want to know…
I want to know just because I want to know…
I don’t want to know too because I know the answer will not be favorable to my liking…
This whole thing is just bugging me day and night… I don’t want to but I can’t help it…
It comes naturally you know!!!
So tell me?
I am having a love-hate relationship with my mind right?
I know right!
Oh… WTF lah… I am gonna immense myself with lots of work and sleepless night!
Best out of Love
Jan 24th
In the end of the day, love is a very subjective topic and it is a very personal issue which takes more than one person to work on it, to make it work. I guess, when it comes to love, we just have to make the best out of it. Make the best out of love because love knows no boundary and with love, everything’s possible.
YapThomas. 23rd January 2010
It has been a long day, time for a nice shower and sleep.
Bring The Pain…
Dec 21st
Pain…
You just have to ride it out.
Hope it goes away on its own.
Hope the wound that caused it, heals.There are no solutions… No easy answers.
You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside.Most of the time, pain can’t be managed.
But sometimes, the pain gets to you when you least expect it.
It’s way below the belt, and doesn’t let out.Pain…
You just have to fight it through.
Because the truth is, you can’t outrun it…
and life always makes more.Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy S02E05.
But, what’s even more pain is trying to contain that pain…
I guess, personally, without pain…
Well, pain actually hits some sense into me all the time…
I will always have to go through pain to you know… to get things right…
I always choose the path that leads to pain…
It has always been that case. For me that is.
Is it just me or I’m not alone?
Hmmm…
Maybe it’s true. I just have to fight it through…
That is why I’ve been trying to contain that pain…
Fight pain with pain just like fighting fire with fire…
