Personal

It really felt like the longest time ever waiting at airport…

What more when the issue is about my life and future…

I was told to be a man and admit my mistake like a man…

Even if I am to be scolded, I had to do it because as a man, when we created the mess, we clean them up…

No that I do not want. I just can’t! Not at this point of time with he short time frame given…

Guess all men are like that. They take things for granted and they only act when they are losing it…

I guess, it is just the matter of time I will be picked up…

That’s what you get when you trust someone and being helpful and afraid to be honest…

Can someone please help me start back the clock?

I guess I have to admit that I am living in a denial… that everything would always be fine. No matter how many times I try, I would find myself at a roadblock. Who doesn’t face a roadblock in their life right? Guess, your life and mine is just different.

For what I have tried to build for myself for the past 8 years, it has just fallen deep into the pit hole that that goes beyond the devil’s lair. That just sums how horrible I feel right now. Until this point, I felt that face-saving worth more than anything till someone told me “No matter how thick your face is, when you fall… it will still hurt.” How true.

I never knew that on the basis of trust, it has brought to where I am today. Trust brought me success which I had gain for the past 4 years but trust also led me to sink beyond devil’s lair. How does one really define trust? I don’t even know myself as I go as what my heart says. If trust means that helping people in need, then maybe I would have gotten the wrong idea of it. Either that or I weighted the wrong “need”. I was told that if I do really trust someone, I will pour out everything out to him/her. I guess that I never really trusted anyone before. Was it that or it is just me that I keep everything to myself? I don’t even know myself. Sigh.

There was once I believed that a successful person will fall more than once. I guess I am too successful, now that I had fallen more than thrice, maybe even more. I lost count. I believed also that I may be strong enough to withhold any obstacles that come my way, but I guess I was wrong. I did not withhold any, but rather I diverted myself away, leaving these obstacles behind with a trace. They are now haunting me back with no remorse.

I once said to a friend that the most expensive lessons I learnt in my life has got to involve money. I guess life’s lesson is not free after all. Haha. It has got to be the most expensive “degree” I ever got. I only hope that this “degree” will be able to be paid off in time to come.

I can only thank my family for actually giving me the opportunities to go through such journey. Should my family was well to do; I wouldn’t really face the real world as how I am facing it now. School of hard knocks most of them calls it.

I took this journey at my own accord and I question no one, not even God on why I had to end up this way. It is not the end of the world for me, but it was a lesson well learnt. I just need to wake up, walk up and start walking tall again. I cannot let the past haunt me and I am here to make a change for me, myself and I.

The only thing I can ask from anyone is to help me not in kinds but, just pray for me during this period which I will take a break from everything and anything.

YapThomas