I guess I have to admit that I am living in a denial… that everything would always be fine. No matter how many times I try, I would find myself at a roadblock. Who doesn’t face a roadblock in their life right? Guess, your life and mine is just different.

For what I have tried to build for myself for the past 8 years, it has just fallen deep into the pit hole that that goes beyond the devil’s lair. That just sums how horrible I feel right now. Until this point, I felt that face-saving worth more than anything till someone told me “No matter how thick your face is, when you fall… it will still hurt.” How true.

I never knew that on the basis of trust, it has brought to where I am today. Trust brought me success which I had gain for the past 4 years but trust also led me to sink beyond devil’s lair. How does one really define trust? I don’t even know myself as I go as what my heart says. If trust means that helping people in need, then maybe I would have gotten the wrong idea of it. Either that or I weighted the wrong “need”. I was told that if I do really trust someone, I will pour out everything out to him/her. I guess that I never really trusted anyone before. Was it that or it is just me that I keep everything to myself? I don’t even know myself. Sigh.

There was once I believed that a successful person will fall more than once. I guess I am too successful, now that I had fallen more than thrice, maybe even more. I lost count. I believed also that I may be strong enough to withhold any obstacles that come my way, but I guess I was wrong. I did not withhold any, but rather I diverted myself away, leaving these obstacles behind with a trace. They are now haunting me back with no remorse.

I once said to a friend that the most expensive lessons I learnt in my life has got to involve money. I guess life’s lesson is not free after all. Haha. It has got to be the most expensive “degree” I ever got. I only hope that this “degree” will be able to be paid off in time to come.

I can only thank my family for actually giving me the opportunities to go through such journey. Should my family was well to do; I wouldn’t really face the real world as how I am facing it now. School of hard knocks most of them calls it.

I took this journey at my own accord and I question no one, not even God on why I had to end up this way. It is not the end of the world for me, but it was a lesson well learnt. I just need to wake up, walk up and start walking tall again. I cannot let the past haunt me and I am here to make a change for me, myself and I.

The only thing I can ask from anyone is to help me not in kinds but, just pray for me during this period which I will take a break from everything and anything.

YapThomas